The truth is the events that occur during and after the divorce process affect children in a significant way. Apart from having to deal with the emotional part of it, they also have to cope with changes in the living arrangement and reduced parental love and attention.
It further worsens when the children have to move school or change their neighborhood, which means losing friends and identity. To many, adjusting to a new environment is not easy.
Moreover, having to experience the suffering of their parents worsens the situation.
At this time, most children develop antisocial behaviors and self-esteem issues that affect them considerably later in life.
Although every family would wish to stick together to eternity, it sometimes becomes impossible and unsolvable issues may force parents to go their separate ways. The critical thing to note with divorce is that it is a complicated affair in a union where children are involved.
Therefore, if your relationship reaches a point where separation is the only cure, kindly do it in a sensible way that won't harm your kids.
Though the following measures won't alleviate your children's pain following the separation, they will go a long way in protecting their future wellbeing.
Never Fight in Front of Your Child
It is common for emotions to run high during this stage of your life. The fact is you may not see eye to eye on most occasions. Despite this, avoid getting physical or exchanging harsh words in front of your children.
Doing this affects the children psychologically, causing them to withdraw, become overly protective, insensitive to others, and aggressive. These traits continue to adulthood, and your child may be unable to form lasting relationships in most cases. Moreover, your child may turn out to be aggressive towards their partner even in marriage.
Avoid damaging your children's future relationships by settling your issues privately in your bedroom or away from home.
Be Actively Involved in Your Child's Life
Divorce is painful and arouses resentment. The first few years will be naturally filled with regret, hatred, and betrayal feelings that prevent most couples from solving issues amicably.
Resentment may force some parents to stay away from their children's lives as they may attribute them to be the cause of their pain. Additionally, some parents, after starting a family elsewhere, may stay away from their children.
Out of the pain caused by the separation, some partners may also forbid their fellow parents from accessing the children. To achieve this, they will spoil their children's minds making them believe that the other partner was the cause of the separation and their current suffering.
Despite this, work hard to overcome whatever is preventing you from being involved in your child's life as you are doing more harm than good. Your absence means a lack of parental love and care.
Apart from fulfilling your God-ordained duty, taking care of your child and assuring them of your support helps them grow into whole beings courageous enough to withstand today's challenges.
Plan on Your Child's Future
Money is a crucial determinant of your child's future. As such, do everything possible to avoid wastage during and after the divorce process. The critical thing to note is that divorce is an expensive undertaking that may empty your pockets within the shortest time.
Therefore opt for the cheapest family lawyers to represent you in court and foresee the whole process. Moreover, when making decisions have the best interest of your child at heart. For instance, you could decide to give up custody if you are not in a better position to take care of your child's wellbeing.
Moreover, you could decide to sell off some of the properties you no longer use to save money for your child's education and upbringing, which are a vital determiner of your child's future.
Help Your Child Understand What Is Happening
Often, parents undergoing divorce make the mistake of keeping their children in the dark concerning what is happening. In most cases, children will observe frequent visitors carrying papers visiting their home, parents not talking, or one parent parking to leave the next day.
This doesn't seem right and it can be damaging to your child's mental health. Depending on your child's age, sit them down and explain what is going on. If possible, be present together with your spouse and talk to your child.
It may not be possible to give them the nitty-gritty of the situation, but it will help assure them of your love and why you have to move out for some time. As you do this, provide alternative ways of communicating with your child. You can, for instance, schedule to call biweekly or visit them often.
Talking and clarifying things can help your child cope with the situation better and grow assured of your love as their parent, which is very important.
Take Care of Yourself
Having to undergo divorce is one of the worst occurrences that can happen to you. It damages you emotionally, physically, physiologically, and socially. The truth is, it is never the right time to say goodbye. Not to a person you had given your life to, started a family with, and shared your darkest secrets.
Many people are unable to cope with separation, but it would be best to find effective ways of rebuilding yourself following the impact this has on your children. Besides, your children need you to love and take care of them.
Though this may not take away the pain, try to have enough sleep, eat a balanced diet, work out, treat yourself to a movie or read a motivational book. By doing this, you will be able to relax and cope with the process.
Moreover, avoid going through the painful divorce process on your own. Talk to your close confidants and family members and ask for their moral support. Equally important, don't downplay the role of psychological counseling.
If unable to cope with the separation, seek a professional counselor's services who will help you heal and rise from the trauma. Lastly, don't forget that there is light at the end of the tunnel, and the pain will eventually go away.
Were it not for circumstances; every couple would wish to grow old together and see their children off in marriage. When unpleasant situations such as divorce happen, embrace it positively and work towards maintaining your loved ones' peace.
Implement the above measures to protect your children, who are the most delicate in the event of a divorce.
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